Happy Burns Day

[Bobbie Ireland]

Right! Up ye stand! A wee dram in hand!

(and if you can understand a word of this... Needless to point out, I did not do a spell check!)


ODE TO A HAGGIS

Fair fa’ your honest, sonsie face,
 Great Chieftan o’ the Puddin-race!
 Aboon them a’ ye tak your place,
 Painch, tripe, or thairm:
 Weel are ye wordy of a grace
 As lang’s my arm

The groaning trencher there ye fill,
 Your hurdies like a distant hill,
 You pin wad help to mend a mill
 In time o’need
 While thro’ your pores the dews distil
 Like amber bead

His knife see Rustic-labour dight,
 An’ cut you up wi’ ready slight,
 Trenching your gushing entrails bright
 Like onie ditch;
 And then, O what a glorious sight,
 Warm-reeking, rich!

Then, horn for horn they stretch an’ strive,
 Deil tak the hindmost, on they drive,
 Till a’ their weel-swall’d kytes belyve
 Are bent like drums;
 Then auld Guidman, maist like to rive
 Bethankit hums

Is there that owre his French ragout,
 Or olio that wad staw a sow,
 Or fricassee wad mak her spew
 Wi’ perfect sconner,
 Looks down wi’ sneering, scornfu’ view
 On sic a dinner?

Poor devil! see him owre his trash,
 As feckless as a wither’d rash
 His spindle-shank a guid whip-lash,
 His nieve a nit;
 Thro’ bluidy flood or field to dash,
 O how unfit!

But mark the Rustic, haggis-fed,
 The trembling earth resounds his tread,
 Clap in his walie nieve a blade,
 He’ll mak it whissle;
 An’ legs, an’ arms an’ heads will sned,
 Like taps o’ thrissle

Ye pow’rs wha mak mankind your care,
 An’ dish them out their bill o’fare,
 Auld Scotland wants nae skinking ware
 That jaups in luggies;
 But, if ye wish her gratefu’ pray’r,
 Gie her a Haggis!

[Donna]

Funay bobbie, aam part scottish an' dornt kin most ay thes. Awe rite sae canty burns day.



Found these:

To celebrate Burns Day and give a real Scottish feel I am posting a few Scottish jokes I received from Scottish friends. I hope you enjoy the Scottish humour.

The Canny Scot

At an auction in Glasgow a wealthy Englishman announced he had lost his wallet containing £20,000 and would give a reward of £500 to the person who found it.

From the back of the hall a Scottish voice shouted, ‘I’ll give £550.’

Scottish Church Announcement

The following was seen on a poster outside a Church in Ayr: DRINK IS YOUR ENEMY.

Next to this was another poster which said: LOVE YOUR ENEMY.

Thoughtful Scottish husband

A Scotsman who was heading out to the pub. He turned to his wee wife before leaving and said, “Darlin’, put your hat and coat on.�

She replied, ‘Och that’s nice, are you taking me to the pub?’

‘Nay, just switching the central heating off whilst I’m oot.’

[Bobbie Ireland]

Now, HOW did I know you would have something to say on this, Donna-Girl!!?

Slainte!
(I assume this is pretty similar in Scots Gaelic...)

Bobbie

[Donna]

Now, HOW did I know you would have something to say on this, Donna-Girl!!?

Slainte!
(I assume this is pretty similar in Scots Gaelic...)

Bobbie

Um och aye, bonnie much th' sam.  Of course you knew I'd have something to say!