urban wildlife report

[dale]

This afternoon, in Evanston, I was fortunate enough to see Nona or Squawker performing a lazy peregrine glide over a neighborhood I was walking through. I was less fortunate in that he or she set off those cold-war-vintage buzzers on all 720 starlings in the vicinity, so I had to keep moving before someone tried to recruit me to help reset them all. Our starlings here are still 89% manual.

In a couple of blocks I came upon the Last Snowman. I guess there was a bit of snow overnight, although I only heard about it. The beast was about knee-high and composed of two balls. The bottom unit was a little bigger than a soccer ball, and for purposes of modesty had been rolled in dirty leaves and sticks. The upper module presented with an acute temperature-related deformity, but was about the size of a baseball. By way of facial features it had been provided with two eyes, about which I can give no specifics due to the fact that they were one-dimensional. The top ball was loosely draped with a dirty glove, folded once, to protect it from the elements. It was the most endearing snowman I have ever seen.

I am not being paid for counterespionage work, but I can report that there are two aliens ineptly disguised as Australian sugar gliders hanging out at the pet store. I couldn't find out anything about their mission here, except that the first stage may have to do with infiltrating the homes of the rich.   They either totally knew I knew or they give that look to everyone who disturbs their sleep.